Our doubts are traitors…

As you will know from my blog, I’ve never been one to go with the grain and be “normal”. I don’t go about things in a way that would seem logical to most people. In fact, most people think I’m crackers (how true they are!). That’s not to say my decisions come easily and I’ve learnt the lesson of not doing what is expected, but instead following your heart a hard one.

Truth be told, I have always struggled with self-doubt. Far too often instead of asking myself how I feel about my choices, I find myself worrying what other people will think. I think most people probably struggle with this to some extent, but it’s particularly hard when you choose to do anything that is not “the norm” (Whatever that means! Obviously what may be considered “the done thing” in my world, may be completely different to “the done thing” in your world.) While I don’t pretend my ideas or dreams are totally unique or earth-shatteringly original, I know to others some of my life choices seem a bit… Well, weird.

Recently I’ve had to make a tough decision about my life, yet I found myself questioning this decision and fretting about it, simply because I knew other people thought working part-time was an odd (or stupid, or even worse – I’m a man, I should be working full-time!) thing to do. In fact a friend made a veiled (and I thought at the time – quite unkind) comment about it at the weekend. Ok, whilst my decision may not be ideal – it’s best for my health and sanity,  and though I really believe this move is the right thing to do, I’ve struggled with worrying “But what will people think?!”

Of course the reality is, what other people think doesn’t really matter. This is my life. It is my responsibility to make the very most of it. I am the only person who can fully understand how I feel, what I think and what I want. And while I believe it’s very important to take advice on board and learn from the experiences of others, no one else can possibly know what’s best for me better than I do.

It all boils down to this: When I’m old and grey do I want to find myself regretting the fact that I never took the leap, followed my instincts and listened to my heart, because I was busy doing what was expected of me? Or do I want to look back and feel like I lived life to the very fullest, followed my dreams and did what was right for me? The answer is pretty obvious.

At the end of the day, we can’t please everyone. No matter what choices we make, someone somewhere will think they are the wrong ones. So (as long as we aren’t hurting anyone) we might as well go ahead and do what makes us happy! People will judge. People will question. If we do something unexpected there’s a good chance people will worry and gossip and argue. But as my mother so perfectly puts it: it is time to “stop living according to the expectations of others and focus on building a life that is unique to you… Be mindful, make your own decisions, work out what’s right for you and don’t feel guilty or undecided if your family or friends aren’t doing it or don’t understand what you do. Imagine your own life, and how you want it to be then work to make that vision a reality. Don’t be put off, don’t listen to the naysayers, go with your heart and do what is right for you.”

It won’t necessarily be easy, but I know that in order to create the life I want, that’s exactly what I have to do. I have to forget about doing what’s expected and instead do what feel right for me and for my our family.

As Shakespeare wrote: Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.

How apt.


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